dear all,
from today onwards, this blog will be non-functional,till further notice..too many ppl who like to rub their noses around.. i could use alot of time to myself..
cheerio.
starcrossed Sunday, March 6, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 12:36 a.m.

Your Brain is 86.67% Female, 13.33% Male

You have the brain of a girly girl Which isn't a bad thing at all You're emphatetic, caring, and in tune with emotions. You're a good friend and give great advice.

why does it have to be this way?
i dont understand
its not supposed to be this way
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
how can this be right?

Momma please stop cryin, I can?t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn?t mean those nasty things you said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain?t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be,
you?ll see
I don?t want love to destroy me like it has done my family

Daddy please stop yellin, I can?t stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you, too

I RAN AWAY TODAY, RAN FROM THE NOISE, RAN AWAY
Don?t wanna go back to that place, but don?t have no choice, no way
It ain?t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be,
well I've seen I don?t want love to destroy me like it did my family

starcrossed Sunday, February 20, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 12:51 p.m.

WHY WHY WHY

NOW I REALLY WANT TO RUN AWAY. frustration leaves its mark.
starcrossed Thursday, February 17, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 10:46 p.m.

If it won't leave me alone it's no surprise that I'm shrill
but to no avail, my shadow follows me still.
When sunlight reveals my frown, that only fills it with glee.
Yet on a moonlit night it never fails to locate me.
Until my shadow appears the only thing that is true
appearing in a flash on any wall within view.

But increasingly I realise that it is pleasing after all
to have such a constant companion, then I recall
that the only times my shadow has left me alone
have been the darkest times that I have known.
And so it fills me with delight to have my shadow about
for it completes my world, without a doubt

No more room to roam
I have lost my hope
Stars have all gone in
Which way have i been
I'm too rich to learn
And far to cold to burn

his legs straightened. he rose. he ran.
starcrossed Wednesday, February 16, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 02:52 p.m.

GONG XI FA CAI! wishing u the reader, an auspicious year ahead.
well, so as usual, we are on the fast track of life again. almost everything whizzes past. ooh and vday is just around the corner.

anyway, i have been reflecting quite abit. about how complicated relationships and friendships are. some ppl have been taking this new jc environment so seriously. setting expectations for themselves.. wanting to go places.. approaching certain people of interest. .

well, for me, perhaps i've changed. i've become indifferent to alot of things.. have to agree that a part of me died when some unfortunate things happened. but that is how i grow. and i have to say, how i treat some ppl has changed. i jsut need time to recover and to know what i really want now.

it's funny that now that im single and swinging, i don't feel lonely. in fact i feel more loved than ever. and i keep smiling and feeling overjoyed for my friends who now have a special someone to share their lives with. these buddies i know have such unique personalities and they deserve to be with someone. wasnt it worth it to wait guys. haha. =) i told u everything would be ok.

i just came across some thoughts and relfections of a good friend of mine, and i know i havent had the time to have a heart to heart talk with him. and besides him, i know there are one or 2 ppl who feel the same towards me. i am sorry if i have neglected you, well, the me u once knew is back.. i now know what i want, and i know that this is necessary and important. get ready for the diffusion of joy. boy its good to hear tt again.
starcrossed Thursday, February 10, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 06:18 p.m.

someone applaud me.

for i have found out some pretty disturbing news which i was not and probably shouldn't have found out about. boy am i good.

i have said this countless times and i will say it again, god has laid his hands on me and blessed me with very dedicated friends. having to go through painful situations like this and simultaneously discovering that there are a handful of buddies who pull you from the raging waters is extremly comforting. thats the reason why the healing process is hastening. of course there are and forever will be times when i relive history. and i get sucked into a whirlpool once again.round and roung and round i go.
but i trust tt my best friends will be present to once again, aid me in finding my way back to the old path.

i have learnt that perhaps, i love too much and allow others into my heart far too easily. and that i am foolish as i give my all even though my other half is not returning anything back. at times i still question if i was the one responsible for all this misfortune. should i learn to be more selfish and not put others' needs before mine all the time?? that question is at the moment, still unanswered,for i find it difficult to alter my true personality.

but a good friend said to me sometime ago,
"then i think of all the smiles i get and its worth it..ppl love u the way u are so why change?if someone doesnt like it, then its their loss right?"

this good friend is possibly the main reason why I have been sane throughout this ordeal. its strange how things works. could this lead to something very unexpected and possibly not entirely right?
when the time comes i will ask myself that again.
thank u dear friend for u have guided me all this while. =)
starcrossed Saturday, January 29, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 12:23 a.m.

it pained her to know that she could not touch what was not hers.
it pained her to learn that what she wanted was not necessarily what she got.
it pained her to think about what she did to him
and in return
he was not there to mend the heart that he tore apart.

andrew has departed on his new journey down in kangaroo land and my dear rachel leaves tmr. how quickly time passes. tmr is going to be one sad day with a free flow of tears.
starcrossed Tuesday, January 25, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 07:31 p.m.

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
But it tears her apart ‘cause nothing’s for her heart
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind, she’d say…
Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life
Now the days have grown to years of feelin’ all alone
As she sits and wonders if all she’s doin’ is wrong
‘Cause lately she’d try anything just to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said, if she said…
And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is the story of you…and me
So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
‘Cause I’m gonna make things right for the rest of your life
And I’m gonna hold you tonight, tonight
Do all those little things for the rest of your life
at last a song to express how i feel.
starcrossed Monday, January 24, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 07:06 p.m.

starcrossed Sunday, January 16, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 12:51 p.m.

well, 2 weeks in cjc, things are moving pretty well.. 1T02 is a fun class with all sorts of people..our teachers are all pretty much hip except for the mt teacher. plus the lit teacher. but mr fahy is seriously the best lit teacher anyone can have
i like the jc style of teaching. you get to be vocal and speak up in class. no more spoon feeding. the work load is heavy but i'm enjoying it none the less.
the only drawback is that the ppl in cjc arent very friendly. i dont really feel that welcoming ambience when i walk around the school. only when i'm with my classmates and gd pals like melmel nic and frans.
even when I'm in class, i'm not me. perhaps its cos i'm hesitant to show others my true self la.. just takes time to open up..
starcrossed Sunday, January 16, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 12:13 p.m.

i see the way he treats you,
I feel the tears you cried,
And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad,
There's nothing i can do baby.
Cause your lover is my best friend,
And i guess that's where the story ends.
So i've gotta try, to keep it inside.
You will never be, never be mine but,

If i was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
And if i was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If i was the one in your life.

If i could have just one wish,
I'd wish that you were mine,
I would hold you near,
Kiss away those tears.
I'd be so good to you baby.
You're the one i want next to me,
But i guess that's just not meant to be.
He's there in your life,
And he's sharing your nights,
It'll never be, never be right.

If i was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
And if i was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If i was the one in your life.

Yeah, baby.
I wanna reach out and view beside me,
Right here beside me, babe.
Take you in my arms right now,
Scream 'i love you' right out loud.
Some day i pray, that i'll find the strength,
To turn to you and say,

If i was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
If i was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If i was the one in your life.

If i was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
And if i was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If i was the one in your life.

If i was the one, if i was the one,
In your life.

starcrossed Saturday, January 15, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 01:52 p.m.

a little qna from nick tt helps me sum up 2004.i know im a few hrs late. but what the hell. haha.
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
im not proud to say this la.. but, i had a fling. sorta.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
if i ever did make any resolutions. i forgot them already. oh yes. but one thing's for certain, stay healthy .

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
my tuition teacher.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
thank god no..

5. What countries did you visit?
errr..austrailia and china

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
consistency in alot of areas of my life. relationship, studies, and friendships.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
this yr.. have a few dates la..21st aug, 9 oct.. only brandon and i know why. hehe.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
i wld have to say.. balancing the os,dance and a relationship.. i tink i did ok. oh yes. and.. of cus bonding with certain ppl.

9. What was your biggest failure?
messing up someones life and losing him as a friend

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
this is a trick question la..

11. What was the best thing you bought?
i bought? err. i didnt realli buy anything tt significant.perhaps my jazz shoes. i realli wanted a pair. now i can take jazz seriousli, something ive always wanted to do.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nic and Mel

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
this one shall be left for me to know and u to find out

14. Where did most of your money go?
PRESENTS. TAXIS. and POOL. its the same every year. haha

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the end of the os and finding out tt someone whom i liked, liked me back. haha! i turned into a girli girl again..

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
to be with you

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: def happier.this is the best yr ever. i mean it.got everything i ever wanted..almost.

Thinner or fatter: wah lau. not answering.
Richer or poorer: poorer.i think?

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
telling ppl i care abt them.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
being a bitch?and wasting time.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
eh hamsom. i spent xmas under a mistletoe.

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
i am in love. -grins-

22. How many one-night stands?
none so far

23. What was your favorite TV programme?
friends! still need to ask..it was and still is.thanks to nick..

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope. in fact ive forgiven tt person already.

25. What was the best book you read?
wah duno.. so mani

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
lifehouse

27. What did you want and get?
more love love love.. and i sure got it =)

28. What did you want and not get?
anuder pair of nike dunks

29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
my little bride..so reminds me of my sassy girl

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 16.. what did i do?
oh yes. spent it with nick bcos everyone else was mugging.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
i have no idea. 2004 has been good.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
err..i duno.. more womanli i guess.

33. What kept you sane?
my friends arnd me..particularly nick and mel.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
JUDE LAW. no change in tt.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
the war..

36. Who did you miss?
maybe u? haha. ask me and i'll tell u..

37. Who was the best new person you met?
this yr too many. rae andrew and hoz

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
u can NEVER give up on someone u love.

this year has made me experience many different feelings. ive bonded with ppl whom i nvr knew existed. i'm finally satisfied with who i am, not questioning the theory of life anymore, rather, looking forward to each brand new day.. my friendship with a few ppl have undoubtedly become much much stronger. our roots grow deep. but most importantly, someone who was always there opened my heart to love again. thanks brandon, u make me see the world differently now.
also have to thank nic and mel. u 2 occupy a place in my heart which no other person dead or living can replace. u 2 are the bestest friends i cld ever ask for. cheerios to andrew and rae, 2 very special ppl whom im so glad our paths crossed. am gonna miss the both of u when u guys leave..
and to one other person, u might or might not be reading this, but thank u for showing me love and comforting me when i needed a friend, u've taught me alot. in ways unimaginable..sorry tt things had ta turn out this way..

and to everyone else.. have a blessed and loving 2005. bottoms up and lets all get wasted. hha!
starcrossed Saturday, January 1, 2005 i get pleasure from pain 06:19 p.m.

I AM: FATHER CHRISTMAS
I WANT: to stay a bum
I HAVE: the bestest friends ever.
I WISH: there was world peace. HEh
I HATE: pork.
I MISS: brandon
I FEAR: being alone
I HEAR: u and i both
I WONDER: how dance will go today
I REGRET: i dun like to regret.=)
I LOVE: the big guy up there.
I ALWAYS: spread joy
I DANCE: HA. ALL THE TIME.
I SING: when im not dancing. which is= i dun sing.
I CRY: when im happy.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a bitch
I LOST: this is a sensitive subject. chanel baby chanel.
I CONFUSE: myself and others
I NEED: to dance
I SHOULD: not play during the first 3 months
Yes or No
u keep a diary: yes
u lik to cook: yes and no
u hav a secret u hav not shared with anyone: DUH
u believe in love: hell yeah.
Do you
Have a/any crush/es: jude law
Wan to get married: at 26
Think u're a health freak: err...hahahahhaa.
Get along with ur parents:at times
Favourite
NUMBER(S): 3,10
COLORS: purrple orange black greeen
DAY: fridays.
MONTHS: august and dec
FOOD: raisins
DRINKS: hot choc,COFFEE
SEASON: summer n winter
SPORT: tennis
Preferences
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: cuddle
CHOCOLATE MILK OR VANILLA: vanilla


merry xmas everyone.
starcrossed Sunday, December 26, 2004 i get pleasure from pain 10:28 a.m.

my beloved shoes.. i want them!
starcrossed Friday, December 24, 2004 i get pleasure from pain 12:22 p.m.